Fluttering Rose Petals: Is Valentine's Day Worth the Hype?

Hiya peeps. I want to talk about Valentine's Day, and my thoughts on it. Touted as "the day of love and romance" by many in the modern world, it's a day that is stereotypical for women being spoiled by their partners, proposed to, and basically a day men are socially obligated to be romantic.

Where did this random "holiday" begin, though? Knowing the roots of something is important for actually understanding what it is we are doing, and why. Did you know it's likely based on a Catholic saint? The History Channel website did a fantastic article on it, and while you can read the whole thing here, I'm going to sum it up real quick.

"The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. Still others insist that it was Saint Valentine of Terni, a bishop, who was the true namesake of the holiday. He, too, was beheaded by Claudius II outside Rome."

So, maybe it was a Catholic bishop that we remember for his sacrifice and dedication to love. Or, maybe it is yet another pagan tradition the Catholic Church cross-washed and adapted. The theory on that is slightly morbid, so if you're squeamish about blood, you may want to skip the next couple of paragraphs.

"While some believe that Valentine’s Day is celebrated in the middle of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine’s death or burial—which probably occurred around A.D. 270—others claim that the Christian church may have decided to place St. Valentine’s feast day in the middle of February in an effort to “Christianize” the pagan celebration of Lupercalia. Celebrated at the ides of February, or February 15, Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus.
To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at a sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. The priests would sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a dog, for purification. They would then strip the goat’s hide into strips, dip them into the sacrificial blood and take to the streets, gently slapping both women and crop fields with the goat hide. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed the touch of the hides because it was believed to make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city’s bachelors would each choose a name and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage.
Lupercalia survived the initial rise of Christianity but was outlawed—as it was deemed “un-Christian”—at the end of the 5th century, when Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine’s Day. It was not until much later, however, that the day became definitively associated with love. During the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds’ mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of Valentine’s Day should be a day for romance. The English poet Geoffrey Chaucer was the first to record St. Valentine’s Day as a day of romantic celebration in his 1375 poem “Parliament of Foules,” writing, ““For this was sent on Seynt Valentyne’s day / Whan every foul cometh ther to choose his mate.”"

Whichever is the true root of Valentine's day, it is clear the traditions are steeped in love and fertility. Being at the beginning of spring, it's a natural time for warming up and getting cozy with a loved one. Thanks to the juggernaut that is American commercialization and marketing, it's far more about men spoiling their women with gifts, flowers, chocolates, and favors to prove their devotion and love. If a man doesn't submit to this cultural expectation, he is often seen as unloving, and as time goes on, more and more women are being expected to reciprocate. For many, it is an important day in expressing feelings, and they take it very seriously.

Has this day become so superficial that it's lost the original intent of honoring true love? There is an argument to be said about it allowing couples to be lazy about their relationship. Gifts are given at Christmas, and many complain that they get no attention until the middle of February when it's "time" for romance and love. Shouldn't we be celebrating our love all year round?

On the other hand, isn't it wonderful there is a day dedicated to nothing but love? It's simplified the desire to show the one you love that you do, and often material items can be given easier than at other times of the year. Having a day just for love gives couples a wonderful addition to their personal days of celebration, which for many can end up being helpful during cold months in the northern hemisphere.

On the other other hand, it can be ridiculously depressing for people fresh off a breakup, recently widowed/widowered, or perpetually single to see so much love everywhere. The suicide rates in areas with large celebrations this time of year goes up quite a bit, as well as ER visits and mental hospital patients checking in. When you're dealing with pain associated with love, it can be difficult to see so much happiness, and make it more difficult than normal to heal and move on. Many become hermits for weeks in the beginning of February and trudge through the days waiting for it to be over.

Whichever side you stand on the Valentine's celebration, chances are it has shifted with time and likely will again. With this day of love and romance, remember you're blessed if you have someone to celebrate with, and it isn't about the gifts. Love is the reason, always be grateful. If you're hurting, please hang in there, it *does* get better. Reach out if you need comfort, and don't let the pain get to be too much. Love isn't just romance, and someone out there cares about you.